Quotes

Herein shall go our gaming quotes, preserved for nightmarish posterity. :D Add any amusing snippets!

  • “Great, our paycheck is grappled and about to fly off.”
  • “Squirm like your life depends on it, Neville!”
  • DAMN YOU TENSOR!” -common battlecry, after Pygon blamed tensor for poor rolls
  • “If they didn’t know there was a firefight before, the plasma bolt sailing into the sky notifies them.”
  • “Astarte is going to reach out and /touch/ someone with the sniper rifle.”
  • “You’re driving too well. What are you trying to hide?”
  • “Astarte, go restrain him but don’t hurt him.” “:D” “/RESTRAIN/ him!”
  • “Don’t run over the curb!” “Or the security guard.” “Or that.”
  • “I can’t be your brother! My hair’s black and yers ain’t!” “No, it’s only red on top! See, it’s black underneath! Well, really it’s blonde…”
  • “Nik continues ignoring the Omega Voice telling him to strangle hipsters and behead AIs.”
  • “You’ll be doing the world a favor if you strangle that hipster with his scarf.” “…While I agree with you, that’s going to attract too much attention.” “They won’t be able to tell if you kill them all!” “…Will you /shut up/? We’re going to get shot at soon enough, I’ll kill things then.” -Nik and his Omega Spark argue about valid tactics
  • “The AI is staring people in the face ‘What are YOU talking about?’”
  • “I bet Quinn used to stare at goats.” “Naw, sheep.” “Wistfully from his bedroom window?” -The conversation takes an interesting turn as the group leaves Gehon
  • “Jeremy walks around the house with a noticeable spring in his stem.” “I bet he does.” “I mean step.” “You were right before, Kairess just told him he could sleep in her bed.”
  • “Is this an elaborate mating ritual I am not aware of?” “…I think it might be, but I don’t know for sure.” – Astarte, asking Nik about fleshbags
  • “Then I open my eyes and there’s your bald head in Skype.” “You know you want to rub it, baby.” -Thursty the Stalker and the GM
  • “Kill them all! Burn it down!” “That’s… Like the exact opposite of what I do.” Nik argues with the voice in his head.
  • “I’m going to make sure Bessie’s ready for the trip.” “Bessie?” “Our car!”
  • “Apparently, my companions can’t even figure out which way is right-side-up on a map.” “Nik’s distracted! He has an evil little voice whispering to him.” “Quinn only knows where the farm he grew up on is! He wandered into Gehon by luck!” “Was it really luck? I mean, he met up with us.”
  • “They got distracted by the MMOs in the local net. They found one that teaches all the wrong Remnant stereotypes. ‘Bring them furs and sugar and beads!’” “Yes, they totally go nuts over shiny beads.”
  • “Astarte and Nik can compete for who has the most insane little voice in their head now.”
  • DAMMIT QUINN! POINT THE GUN THE OTHER WAY!”
  • “You did good, but you fell down too much.” “‘m sorry, but I can’t help getting knocked out.” “We’ll just buy you some armor.”
  • “I nail the stalker-kibitzer to the floor here. He can bait the zombies out.”
  • “Just for laughs… It does 12d10 damage and has armor penetration of 20.” “…Let’s just leave it there, yeah?” “Yeeeeah.”
  • “The only one who can’t see is Kairess.” “That’s okay, you can leave the healer.” “…Quinn, you can guide her along.”
  • “Clippy is still in full-auto mode. Don’t startle me.”
  • “Quinn, come here! Do you get heebies from the writing on this door?” “Why, yes I do.” “WHAT writing?”
  • Astarte turns and unloads her shotgun into two undead and three party members. “George taught Astarte betrayal!”
  • “The grenade blows up amidst you.” “George, why did you betray me?”
  • “You want some Endurance? Here, I got plenty!” “Quick, bleed into her!”
  • “Spirit, if there is any information you can share with me, please, I beseech you to do so!” “Spoken like a Miskatonic University professor.”
  • “Eh, the meatbags need toughening up anyhow.” Astarte, unloading her shotgun in the direction of the group and two undead.
  • “You electrocuted his friend.” “I’ll be happy to share lightning with him, too.”
  • “Give me a throwing check.” “Don’t fumble it!” “GRENADE!”
  • Astarte sees a hallway full of the undead. “I am so using George.”
  • “Nik is lowered two Fear states.” “It’s the smell of microwaved zombie.”
  • “I wonder where I should put my CDP.” “Law and writing!” “First I need to learn to read.” “And we’re about to get in a fight.”
  • “Strap the flashlight to the AI!” “Duct tape mod!”
  • “You’ve detected the living dead! What do you want to do?”
  • “Keep your shirt on!” “I don’t have to, I’m wearing armor.”
  • “Having heard all the banging around from inside the cargo pod all day, Nik braces himself inside the scanproof compartment.”
  • “I have a bruise! Look at it!” “You can fix it, shut up! You don’t have to even try!”
  • “When are they gonna let us out?” “As much trouble as it took to get you IN here!?”
  • “I just realized I have hyper-mobility.” “Goddammit, Quinn!” “Hey, I got in the box!”
  • GODDAMMIT QUINN GET IN THE BOX!” “It’s scary!”
  • “We’ll probably promptly spend half of our reward on something.” “Hookers and blow.”
  • “Shut up and get into your box!” “Okay, okay.” “I’ll bump their squeezing ability first.”
  • “It’s a viable metric: how many dead hookers can fit in the trunk of the car.”
  • “Quinn thinks he’s the nicest guy he’s ever met.” “You remind me of my Uncle Virgil!”
  • “I could tan your skin. I could make a /coat/ out of you.” The AI, staring at customers in a restaurant.
  • “Taco Bell survived the franchise wars.” “Yeah, but Ratburger bought them out.”
  • Quinn, our Lesser Nephilim farmboy, discovers the Internet and Farmville v27.4. “This ain’t realistic at all!”
  • “I can negotiate!” “WRONG KIND OF NEGOTIATION!” “Awww.”
  • The AI rolls dice with no notice of what skill. “…Astarte shoots the guard in the face…” “Not yet! It’s Read People!”
  • “Look! I just cured cancer! Can’t I take a pee pee!?”
  • “Our healer can cure cancer with a bit of finger-wiggling.”
  • “In theory we could climb over the walls, right into a patrol.”
  • “How is mental instability dealt with in 2261?” When this crops up before the game even starts, you know we’re in for it.
  • “I think our employers are probably more scared of Atrevan than Kairess, since he vaporized the giants completely.”
  • “Restoring Endurance while bleeding – she doesn’t really /heal/, just replenish your blood.”
  • “The only damage Nik suffered was his own damned fault and because he got too excited with his lightning.”
  • Giantess is screaming at Quinn: “WHY YOU NOT DEAD SHOCKY MAN!?”
  • “Quinn really did just pull a Palpatine. He just grabbed the giantess and electrocuted her.”
  • Regarding Atrevan nuking goons: “It was a bad touch?” “It was a bad touch.” “A very bad touch.” “An exceptionally bad touch.”
  • “The AI just perforated the giantess with an assault rifle. The giantess is not pleased by this.”
  • “And now it is Quinn’s turn to be pounded into the ground by the giant reebar-and-concrete club.”
  • “And all she wanted to do was tell her husband she made some pie.” “He had low blood sugar, that’s why he lashed out!” “If you’d just let him eat Atrevan, he would’ve been fine. ‘Oops, sorry, my bad!’”
  • “The giant just got to experience the same thimg Atrevan and Nik enjoyed courtesy of Kaptha.”
  • “I revise my opinion. It’s not Luke, it’s Emperor Palpatine. He just lightning-bolted the giant to death.”
  • “Atrevan just passed Nik on the ‘Most Damage Taken’ chart.”
  • “The club is slightly larger than Atrevan.”
  • “How much ammo does he have?” “He effectively has infinite rocks.”
  • “Two guns. One nuclear wielder. One healer. AND A BOW. Clearly we are well-armed.”
  • Wasteland Giant: “LITTLE RED DOT PRETTY! WHAT MEAN!?”
  • “Our usual justification for anything: It’s awesome. As in ’If this were a movie, it would be SO AWESOME!”
  • “My good friend Clippy will help me decide if he’s trustworthy!”
  • “Yes, I wield the power of light and goodness. I’m a paladin! :D” “…I’m not sure if a Jedi or a Paladin is worse.”
  • “Our new party member is Skywalker.” “Luke?” “Yup. Farmboy with Energy and Alpha. USE THE FORCE!”
  • “This is from his two AI goons. This is from two of his human goons. This is from him. We’ve got his hands too, if you want.”
  • The AI rolls her Computer Technologies skill and fails. “Dammit Clippy! No! I don’t want to play Thermonuclear War!”
  • Our AI plays Farmville 23.7: “Why do I have to wait to harvest things!? This is so inefficient!”
  • “Our Science Guy knows nothing of tanning, but our AI is /very/ knowledgable about making human leather. WHY!?”
  • “Captain Nuke-It has a teddybear: a Koosh Ball that whispers death and despair that he cuddles when he sleeps.”
  • “The AI is playing pattycake with the severed hands of our former nemesis.”
  • AI nearly dies, resulting in a chorus: “Blue screen!” “Segfault!” “Daisy… Daisy…” “I’m leaking precious lubricants!”
  • “The goons round the corner into Atrevan’s Void Wielding effect.” “Achievement Unlocked: Two Birds, One Nuke.”
  • The AI fails a Climb check. “Clippy pops up and says, ‘It looks like you’re trying to remove the siding from a house!’”
  • “It looks like you’re dying! Would you like help?” “DAMMIT CLIPPY GO AWAY I’M BUSY!”
  • “Either there’s a jet in there or the building is gonna to explode.” “Wait, what? I heard something about exploding.”
  • “What the hell is that lunatic doing!?” “He’s running toward them to confuse the enemy!” -Atrevan’s usual course of action in a fight
  • “I healed him for 17.” Nik goes to 0HP. “WRONG WAY!” “I think she got a signal crossed.” Nik goes to 34HP. “…Better.”
  • “And there goes Captain Nuke-It trying to Nuke It at OMGWTF range.”
  • “I think the AI is drooling after you told her about that gun.” “She can’t drool!” “Well, leaking oil, then.”
  • “Why is the group’s sneaky thief-type our accountant?”
  • “I hide behind the tree stump while Captain Nuke-It there draws the creature’s attention.”
  • “She has Evil Clippy. ‘It looks like you’re trying to murder someone!’”
  • “Dude, take the rat out of your ear. You’re drawing too much attention.”

Quotes

Wastelanders Kassil